A single mom’s honest reflection on rebuilding after a long-term relationship ended, dating in your late 30s, and choosing yourself over settling.
It’s been a good stay at my parents’ house. They’ve done what they could to let us stay temporarily, but beyond the disagreements, the reality is that, as a single mom myself, I have to stand on my two feet and move forward.
Moving Out, Moving On
Kerrigan and I moved here on October 21, 2023, when her dad and I separated. I knew then that it would only be temporary. I told myself, at most, 2 years, or as soon as I felt it was time for us to find our forever home.
I spent the whole of 2024 moving on with my life, getting back in shape, and going on dates. Quite delusional when I thought I would find my person instantly within that year, but God had better plans. He knew my heart wasn’t ready. It was willing to settle with whatever came first. Luckily, He was with me the whole healing journey, and I wasn’t choosing it out of fear of being alone. He made sure Kerrigan’s dad was okay first so he could be more present for Kerrigan.
I’m happy and very grateful for how it all turned out. It took me more time to realize what I did wrong in those 14 years, and I embraced them. I forgave myself and forgave my ex. Though our time together ended, I made sure to include him in our prayers. We both healed well, including Kerrigan. It was very easy for her to accept the new family dynamics, and writing this down right now just makes me even more grateful and sentimental. Because when you have faith that everything is going to be fine, that’s exactly what’s going to happen eventually.
Red flags, situationships, and a family crisis
So, 2025 came. Dating was a whole different game in my late 30s, but I was still hopeful, enjoying the wildness of that moment. I did meet a bunch of red flags and thought that if you treat them with kindness, they won’t bite, or at least it won’t hurt as much. Wrong! I should’ve kept my distance or chosen not to engage altogether. But it was a significant learning moment for me. I learned so much about myself, what would hurt and how fast I could heal. It was a fun and crazy experience, a chapter worth reading in my book someday.
But mid-2025 was when the real challenge came in; my brother got diagnosed with a serious illness, something you’d only see in the movies. Now, it made sense why I had to be single at that time. Sometimes character development isn’t just about getting over a breakup or breakups; I was in a few situationships that year (not at the same time though, let’s be clear 😜), and all of them turned out to be mini breakups, because that year was really about family, and lowkey, about surviving those mini breakups too. And I appreciate how I was able to keep my job that time; the workload was easy, and the resources continued even during the toughest times. What’s even amazing is that I had saved some. I always have the money no matter what, and the emotional support from my situationships no matter what.
After things settled at home and my brother recovered very well, it was time for us to prepare for my other brother’s wedding in 2026. October of 2025 was the time to get the papers sorted out, apply for the UK visa, and everything else that came in between. So that final quarter of last year went by swiftly, with some days reserved for playdates with the momfriends.
The Warlock, the Black Peter Pan, and the question of “The One”
I also did reconnect with an older situationship in November, but the mismatch was quite obvious at that time, so with one final decision, I accepted that the person isn’t my person. He was just a confused old timer and a lesson not worth keeping.
But just before I finally closed the dating chapter, life threw that “one last thing” lesson, the lesson that gave my view of marriage, finding my person, and the idea of “the one” a full circle. I met that Warlock of a guy, the one I thought might actually be my person, except he didn’t have much of a Warlock’s hair. I thought, “Oh hey, this might be it,” and it really felt like he was my husband, only his too-good-to-be-true packaging came with a lot of serious baggage. I mean, that Black Peter Pan’s baggage was the minor league, or maybe not even; the life lesson BPP came with was way lower than that, because meeting the Warlock changed my view of what settling down was. It questioned the whole point of it. Was I really meant to get married, settle down, and become a wife at this point in my life?
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention: he proposed more or less 40 days after we first met, in Scotland of all places. It was romantic, I’ll give him that. But turned out it wasn’t my time to be a Mrs. just yet. I’m pretty sure I will be, at the right time, right season, and right person.
It was the swiftest relationship anyone could have. I beat the 90-Day Fiancé’s whole plot. Mine was like a few days shy of 90 days, because on the 60th day, it was already “on the rocks.” It was over even before my system fully absorbed that I was a fiancé and about to become a Mrs. a month or two after being engaged. Yep, it was that fast! It felt like we were having our own reality TV in our delusional heads, like maybe our love story would get a Season 2 someday. So by May, it was clear where it was heading, and I knew then I wouldn’t give up my long-term personal goals anymore for a person who isn’t there yet, in his late 40s.
What May and June gave me
I’d say May and June were the hardest months, because I had to let go of many things: the family wounds, the idealistic view of finding my person, and the idea that I was in control of everything.
When the Warlock left during his birthday trip, it reminded me of those other three instances when I saw people literally walking away. Believe it or not, all four scenes were at the door, at different stages of my life. Now, if that wasn’t a clear sign and life lesson, I don’t know what is.
I never chase; either they return on their own, or they don’t. Either way, I will always be fine.
Not because the Universe is plotting for my bitter cat-mom Abuela character arc someday, but because it wanted me to understand that people walk away. I do too. But every single time, it reminded me that I’m always stronger than the person who decided to leave.
I think at this season in my life, now that I am in my late 30s, I’ve not only accepted but embraced the fact that no matter how cliché the healing journey is, and the forgiveness that comes with it, everything actually depends on me, on choosing myself over settling, every single time. I can no longer wait for certain people to apologize; they shouldn’t wait for mine either. I gave it to them for free. But at the same time, this refining season also includes fully letting go of those who decided their life is no longer part of mine.
The transition
September and October are my transition period. It’s no longer about preparation. I am prepared. It’s all about carrying out what was meant to happen after almost a three-year stay at my parents’ home. Wow, I just realized that right now, writing this. This home actually sheltered me through all three breakups, and I promise to make it big and be somebody, so I can give back someday soon.
What I’m carrying forward
So, what’s going to happen in the next few weeks? I’ll continue nurturing my income streams and be more mindful of my time and energy. I’m now going after the life and career I am supposed to live, this time, as a single mom truly starting over, not just moving on.
FAQs
How do you know when to stop chasing someone who’s leaving?
Usually it’s less about a single moment and more about a pattern you finally let yourself see: the same exit, in different forms, more than once. When it stops feeling like bad luck and starts feeling like information, when there’s a gut feeling that you’re abandoning a part of yourself and you’re far from okay with that, that’s usually the sign.
Is it normal to feel unready to marry or settle down after a long relationship ends?
Very. Rebuilding your sense of self, your finances, and your home life takes real time, and rushing toward “the next one” often means settling for whoever shows up first rather than who’s actually right. Feeling unready isn’t a red flag about you, it’s often just honest timing.
What does it mean to be in a “refining season”?
For me, it’s the stretch between chaos and clarity, where you’re no longer in crisis, but not fully arrived either. It’s the deliberate, sometimes unglamorous work of consolidating who you are before you expand into a better version of you.
What does starting over as a single mom actually look like?
Less like a dramatic reinvention and more like a series of small, unglamorous decisions repeated on purpose: rebuilding income, rebuilding trust in your own judgment, and choosing your kid’s stability over your own urge to rush the next chapter. It’s quieter than it sounds, but it adds up.